She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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