And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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