can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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