I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So much rum. So many feels.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
