the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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