Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
