super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
