If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
