how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize