I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
