2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
