She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
