Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
