i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Houston, we have a blender
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
