I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
