you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
