I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
