So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
