EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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