My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
did you just send me my own nude
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
