I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize