ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
