...so i touched it.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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