everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
me + whiskey = a bad person
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
