Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
