so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
