He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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