Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
