so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
