called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
