i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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