hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
