I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
