You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
