Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
