Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
