i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize