I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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