she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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