last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
