My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
