Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Alive.
So much puke
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
