I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
