tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
