people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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