is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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