I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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