well most of my day revolves around power hour
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
