I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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