..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
