and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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