there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Damn victory sex feels great
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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