I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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