We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
