Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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