We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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