just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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