I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
