that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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