What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
