i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
