you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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