Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
