was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
