my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
