You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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