She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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