i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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