why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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