How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
