i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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