whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
