I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
