I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you had me at cake vodka
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
