I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
