Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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