$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
