just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
