its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
