two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
