Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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