I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
True strength comes from lack of pants
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
